Same As It Ever Was…

Except it wasn’t. No. Not at all.

Have you ever accidentally stapled your tongue to something?  Remember how afterward you swore you’d never let that happen again – that’s how I felt about Kentucky.  Admittedly, it’s also how I felt about marriage and rest area bathroom sex.  Still, we all make -and repeat- mistakes.

However, the last last time I left Kentucky, I promised myself I wouldn’t return. But then I started dating a girl from Kentucky, and having no family of my own (sadly, they were killed by rapid, Muslim extremist orangutans during a bizarre three-way hijacking disguised as a feud between the Medellin drug cartel and the guy who holds the patent to the Fudgie the Whale ice cream cake), I accompanied her home for Thanksgiving.

When Hollywood scripts a holiday scene featuring a bizarre turn of events with a sardonic but  comical twist,  they cast Robert Downey, Jr.  When Robert needs to study his character’s motivation, he calls me.  It seems that weird just follows me.

As previously reported, it had been exactly one year and one day since I was last in Kentucky.  Which is not too long.  I mean, I’ve had girls under the effects of roofies for longer.  But what did I see upon my arrival?   Things had changed.  Oh, mind you, not in the Obama sense of the word (Kentucky was the first state to produce election results: Red), but things had changed.  It was like an angel had swooped down and breathed the 19th century into the place.  Okay, not so dramatic.  It was like someone had moved my car keys; it was a slight but nonetheless noticeable change.

But more than that, I had changed.  Enough to realize that I was no longer repulsed by The Bluegrass State.  To be fair, I still loathe University of Kentucky fans.  And I am dumbfounded by the Blue Laws (dry counties, and no alcohol sales -anywhere- on Sunday), which are especially puzzling since Kentucky is synonymous with inbreeding toothlessness snakehandling Bourbon.  On the other hand, it is Kentucky, where fishing in the Kentucky portion of the Ohio River requires an Indiana fishing license.  Regardless, I was in a new place mentally.  I was ready to accept Kentucky’s oddities as peccadillo’s and idiosyncrasies that provided character rather than marred my expectations.

Don’t get me wrong, I won’t be moving there any time soon.  In fact, I’ve designated 2009 as the year of travel.  Whether it be for work, relationship, or other, I have long put off my love for travel.  So, during 2009 I will embark on my “Where in the world is Corey King” tour.  The itinerary thus far: Seattle, Boston, Chicago, Philadelphia, Huntsville, New York, Denver, and San Francisco.  Plus there’s my trip to the UK (Hi, Emma!).  I want to spread my disease wings a bit.  I want to discover life beneath the surface of things.  I want yet another new career.  I want to meet the people behind the blogs I read.  I want to understand what David Byrne meant when he sang, Once in a lifetime.

I want someone to pay me to do this… The Atlantic?  Slate? Wired? Rolling Stone? Esquire? Hello?

What I learned is this: some ‘things’ can change and other ‘things’ are -by definition or design- simply unchangeable.  The trick is knowing which is which.  I’m fond of saying, “You have to know what the variable is; more importantly, you have to know when the variable is you.”  Yes, it’s about as deep as a tea saucer, but its meaning is what has led me away from who I was and towards who I will someday be:  Not everything remains a constant and sometimes what has to bend, is you [me].

As for Kentucky, minus a fresh coat of paint, it’s the same as it ever was.  And me?  Oh, most days I’m the variable.  So, as you plan to make resolutions that you’ll undoubtedly break, take it from me: When you get to that fork in the road and wonder, “What next? What do I do here?”  The answer is the question: What do you want to come of this? If the answer is “More of the same,” just do what you’ve always done.  But if that voice inside you says, “It’s time for change,” then perhaps it’s time for you to be the variable and bend.  Or maybe you should go to a shrink for those voice you’re hearing.

Oddly enough, that is what came about during my Thanksgiving in Kentucky.  Entirely fitting for a Robert Downey, Jr. role, I think.

So, with that out of the way, please enjoy the newest additions to my blogroll:

• Bern This
  
• DC Foodies
• The Stephford Diaries
  

*I’ll be on the road for a few days, so no new posts after this.  Sorry.  I would LOVE some guest posts.

Any takers?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?