[mostly] retarded

[via HERE]

[mostly] lame secrets

It is no secret that Post Secret has become immensely popular. The amount of paper used to make the stamps, postcards, and four books is solely responsible for 75% of the deforestation in North America.

That fact, however, pales in comparison to what Post Secret has done by way allowing attention-craving, manic depressive, emo wanna-bes to have their 3×5 inches of fame.

Still, it just seems like Post Secret’s secrets are, well…patently lame.

Take for example, the 60-year-old who “never learned to smile.”  Apparently, he never learned how to use a comma:

Or the soul-tortured cries of the Republican art major at odds with himself because s/he doesn’t realize s/he can make propaganda posters:

And let’s not overlook the angst-laden lament regarding the father who doesn’t delete the computer’s browser history.

Really?  This passes for cathartic release?

And not to sound like Seinfeld, but who the hell are these people who write, “I was going to blow my brains out, but instead I wrote this postcard. Thank you Post Secret.”

More lame are the people who write in after them…”Dear Frank, yesterday, as I was pouring myself Liquid Drano shots, I saw the postcard from the person who wrote a postcard instead of killing themselves and it made me not kill myself, too. Thank you! You saved a life.”

I want to start a campaign of people who write in to say how happy and well-adjusted they were until they read Post Secret, and now they can’t think of anything except how to kill themselves. Next I’ll mock Post Secret’s second line of submitters: the “poor body image contingent.”

[mostly] NEW MATH

I am mathematically illiterate. Seriously. The left-side of my brain — totally non-existent. Okay, I believe I’ve made my point. So, that being said, had math been taught to me like this (below), I’d be a freakin’ rocket scientist today…of course, I’d probably be huffing the rocket fuel.

[via HERE]

[mostly] sodium

[via here]

[mostly] going postal

Q: What if Fight Club, Office Space, and Dilbert had a baby?

A: WhackYourBoss.com (opens new window).

The object is to discover the 17 different ways to redecorate your cubicle with your boss’s blood. Ridiculously not safe for work…even if you are the boss.

[mostly] Sage Advice.

The late Paul Arden, former creative director of advertising giant Saatchi and Saatchi, once gave Neil Perkin (pictured below) the following guidance:

This sage advice has guided me in my career, though I was heretofore incapable of articulating this belief.

The image comes from Someone Once Told Me (opens new window), a website wherein each day a new image shares thoughts ranging from poignant to  macabre to lascivious.

Music begets Music begets Music

Here’s how this works….

Start with Albert Hammond Jr.’s, In Transit:

Add a pinch of Arcade Fire’s, Guns of Brixton:

Stir in some Sugarcubes’s, Birthday:

And, viola!, you have Lykke Li’s, I’m Good, I’m Gone:

Grammar Nazi

My ex-wife used to mock me for being an English major who abused the comma and wrote the world’s longest run-on sentences. I’ve become much better about those sorts of things. In fact, I went on to become an Editor, and I now manage a Technical Writing team. And while I’m not perfect, I can instruct one in the proper usage of the semicolon; I can teach college freshman how to cite MLA style; and I can cite MIL-STDs 38784 and 40051-2 from memory.

Exciting, huh. So imagine my joy upon finding websites devoted to Grammar Nazis like myself.

About the Grammar Nazi logo: When I was in grad school, a friend had a mug with this emblazoned upon it. After someone complained, the English Department Chair asked him to stop bringing it. He did. In response, I started bringing my CIA mug, complete with official logo. The commentary was not lost upon the Chair, who, for the record, was a douchebag.

Anyway, about those websites, below are the links and a sample from each. ENJOY!

APOSTROPHE ABUSE

The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks